The Hunt for Love

Mornings are quiet.  I'm an early riser, and we are homeschoolers so the kids usually sleep later than I do.  That's one of the perks a parent enjoys when the children approach the teen years: quiet mornings.  I admit however, that I often miss, with bittersweet and tender thoughts, the crazed mornings, waking up to the sounds of soft cries from a hungry infant, or the sweet sound of the toddlers whispering "Mama, wake up".  Alas every stage of parenthood has it's bittersweet memories as well as new pleasures.  So, I accept their slumber without needing me for immediate attention, as I transition into a life that welcomes me to concentrate on work, even if only for a couple of hours in the morning :)

This morning was different.  When I sat down to my computer this morning, I found a note on my keyboard, directing me to find another note, which directed me to another, and another.  It was a miniature scavenger hunt, laid out by my youngest, my eleven year old son.

What was the final destination? What was the final note?
I wondered if this was a cute way for him to ask for something.  What was it? Pancakes for breakfast? A drive to his friend's house?  A new app for his iPod?  No.  My child just wanted to tell me....
that he loves me.

Wrapped in the final note I found one of our glass coasters with the word "Love" imprinted.

So this post became my 'work' this morning, after I savored the moment, and being one of these people who like to express emotion in writing, my first task of the day is to share how extraordinarily lovely my little boy is and how meaningful and wonderful it is to be a Mom.


I also left a little note-hunt for him :)

Life is fun.  Life is good.

Confession:  I sometimes wonder about my sense of purpose, my talent and potential to contribute to the world, and then I realize that no matter what else I decide to do with my life as my kids become adults - being their Mama is more rewarding than any other endeavor - ever!

♥

Sometimes I Doubt

Sometimes I mess up.
Sometimes I don't know what I am doing.
Most of the time I try to do the best thing, make the best choice, say the best words, dole out the right advice.  Some of the time, it turns out that it wasn't right.
Sometimes I know it's not right and I do it anyway.
Most of the time I do things that are best for you, my child.
Sometimes I realize it was really what was best for me - but all the time, I don't do that on purpose.

Sometimes I'm scared.  Sometimes I'm concerned. Sometimes I'm worried. Sometimes I'm terrified.
Sometimes I feel like the greatest Mom in the world - most of the time, I'm just winging it and hoping for the best.

Sometimes I base my parenting decisions on my own past - even though it is entirely different than your life.
Sometimes I base my parenting decisions on accumulated wisdom and experience, because I have learned, and I'm only trying to protect you and sometimes I second guess, afterwards, whether it was the right choice, despite that.
Sometimes I let you see my doubt.  Most of the time, I don't.

Sometimes I laugh at you because you are silly.  Sometimes I yell at you because I am weak.
Sometimes I smile at you because you are beautiful. Sometimes I cry because the time goes too fast.

Sometimes I am so proud of you.  Sometimes I am proud of myself.  Sometimes I am thankful that you are so perfect.
Sometimes I worry that you'll realize that I'm not.

Sometimes I wonder what you will be like in ten years.  Sometimes I remember what you were like ten years ago - which seems like yesterday.

Sometimes I am a really great Mom.  Sometimes I'm just a little girl, playing house, with real people, trying to do my best.

All the time.  All the time. All the time - I love you.

All. The. Time.

To my children ♥  Thank you for your patience, understanding, and love.